The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
