He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
