so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
