now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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