I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
