Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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