i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Randomize