what day is it and did you see me today?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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