but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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