The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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