Having a random hookup so left but love u
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
