Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
