I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
