I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It's never too late to be topless.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
