i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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