"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
time to smoke my breakfast
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
ttyl tear gas
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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