it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize
