I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
