My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
