I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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