were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
