That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
