My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize