ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
