Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
