Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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