After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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