i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
