i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
