when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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