well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
