My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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