I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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