but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize