I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
