He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
