how can u be prego again
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
