listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
