It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
