clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize