I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
