I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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