it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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