Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
