I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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