last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
