my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
