I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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