Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
