cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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