Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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