ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
