i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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