I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
