if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
