It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
