all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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