I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
And then my night got REAL pukey
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
