I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
