I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
