This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
