Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
