Where are you?
In a non slutty way
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Randomize
