Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
one might say we're banned from that church
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
