sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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