talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
