I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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