i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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